6/29/25 - 9:15 PM

At first I was like, I’ve fallen so hard, I’m going to shoot myself. I work at Giant and I love it, I used to cook for kings and now I’m just the middle man between home and business. But then I realized, I lived all of my childhood dreams. I lived out every single one of them. Everything from building a newspaper like the one we made during the power outage, to being a chef after learning to make pancakes out of the American Girl Doll Cookbook, to managing and staging properties like all of those home renovation shows I used to obsess over, to working in a bakery like Cake Boss, to being a waitress in a diner like one in the movies, to being a nanny like Mary Poppins and Nanny Mcphee, to writing a children’s book like the Mercer Mayer books I used to read over and over and over. I’ve been to China twice, Italy twice, Ireland, Cuba, Brazil, Canada three times, and Bermuda. I’ve traveled up and down the coast to Mississippi, I’ve been to Virginia twice, D.C., California twice, Florida,

(Monica missed seeing Niagra Falls for a man she didn’t even marry)

(A story about Lesley and her beads fading to white on her bracelet)

(A story about a fairy cursing someone with the ability to have everything they ever wanted and people became bound to them because of the curse. I hope this makes sense when I’m not stoned)

Vermont twice, New Hampshire, Road trip to Maine, I took a road trip to Kentucky, I’ve gotten to see most of Pennsylvania, New York, New Jersey, and Delaware, Tennessee twice, I’ve been to so many state parks I can’t even start to name them, I’ve seen so many bald eagles, so many cedar wax wings, and all of these different species that I have cataloged on my phone with the Merlin Bird ID

I have created three self-guided meditation journals, a children’s book, an (alleged) lsd trip, and two issues of the heart times with more on the way

I hosted a poetry night with my friend Carmen

I created a podcast

I started a blog

I self-published a book of poems

I am planning on self-publishing another one very soon

I have organized and cleaned so many beautiful spaces and loved every single minute

I have been able to be generous to so many people

I have received so much generosity

The good far outweighed the bad because I have NEVER had a bad ending

I worked at so many incredible restaurants. So many INCREDIBLE restaurants doing everything from front of the house to back of the house to expo and everything in between

I have learned how to cook from some of the most heartfelt people I have ever met in my entire life

I have learned so many valuable skills from masters of their craft

All of the people I hold closest to me are people I admire and cherish

My response time for processing emotions has gotten so much shorter

I have rewired most of my brain from all of the trauma and healed from a good portion of it

I have had so many people guide me along the way and they will always live in my heart

I have gotten to know the fullness of almost everyone in my life from the good the bad to the north and the south

I used to own a really beautiful telescope that I still regret not taking better care of, I miss it every day. All I can see is her failing form crushed under a pile of things and covered in dust in the corner of the garage where I abandoned her. I’m so sorry.

I am a lot more fearless than I once was

I am proud of my work ethic

I believe in myself

I still believe in miracles

I fall in love daily

I can find joy in anything

I really like working at Giant

Why do I ony feel like this when I’m high?

I’m making this a blog pause, it is 9:47 PM

It is 9:53 PM I am now redacting information

Thank god I made the heart times blog a couple nights of ago

that made this one a breeze

It is 9:56 I have just finished redacting the information

I have lived in some of the most beautiful homes and I have always had good neighbors even in Grays Ferry, actually especially in Grays Ferry.

I have a notebook full of things I want to build and create and accomplish

I love the way I look and feel in my body

and I'm feeling really blessed

and hopeful

the future is still SO SCARY OMG 

I have no idea what I'm going to do

but I have recently decided I want to study neuroscience because why not right?

I used to scrub toilets so I think neuroscience is the next best step don't you?

But I know I can do it

because look at what I've aready done

I'm actually just going to submit this as my essay for entry for college

There's a college in my literal back yard that I could walk to

I just need a home

but don't we all?

I'll find something

and if I don't then I'll just curl into a ball and die, it's no big deal, and I'm not even saying that to be dramatic, I'm just being honest. The absolute worst case scenario is death, a plug pull, a game over sign hanging over your eyeballs. It's really not that deep. 

And I know I can do anything I put my mind to because look at what I've already done

I'm so proud to be here and I haven't said that in a long time. I'm usually regretting it.

I think that's all for tonight folks

it's 10:03 PM

over and out!

It's 10:05 and I couldn't help but muse over the fact that I'm starting ANOTHER PROJECT WTF IS WRONG WITH ME

*DISCLAIMER: Stuff is redacted, it's just my thing, don't worry about it, it's kind of cool. I'm cool because I redact things, it's not weird at all. You're weird for thinking it's weird. I also kept all the typos because I like to be authentic, and I hate editing. That's also normal.